FEMALE TROUBLE
Prod/Dir by John Waters

The cast of Pink Flamingos returns in John Waters' riotous parable about the connection between crime, comeliness and fame. Female Trouble, done on a mere $25,000 budget but sporting better production values than Waters' previous work, follows the life of Dawn Davenport (Divine) from high school delinquent to mass murderer. Lovable, snaggle-toothed senior Edith Massey, with monstrous cellulite oozing out the tied sides of the dominitrix outfit she wears much of the film, is superb as Dawn's in-law and nemesis, Ida. Dawn traumatizes Gator (Michael Potter), her husband and Ida's nephew, into running away to Detroit to "find happiness in the auto industry." Ida dumps her garbage into Dawn's yard and stops by the Davenport residence to throw corrosive acid in Dawn's face. Dawn's mentors cage Ida and Dawn chops off one of Ida's hands. So the battle goes. Female Trouble progresses in lurid outrageousness until it reaches a crescendo in a nightclub involving Dawn in a mohawk, a trampoline, raw fish, and a gun. Eating is not recommended during this scene as choking from laughter may occur. I snot myself.

Dawn is "a thief and a shitkicker" when she meets wealthy snoots, Donald and Donna Dasher (David Lochary and Mary Vivian Pierce). The relatively-attractive Dashers have a crime and ugliness fetish, yet abstain from sex. They exhibit peculiar eating habits ("we rarely eat any form of noodle") and operate a beauty salon/gigolo service for sleazy women. The Dasher's find Dawn "particularly appalling" and a perfect candidate to prove their theory that beauty and crime are one. They encourage fame-hungry Dawn to model for them and flaunt her stuff publicly, even after the acid attack gives Dawn's face the texture of burnt oatmeal. Dawn needs little prodding to commit crimes against society and good fashion sense.

Female Trouble showcases Divine's gift for comedy. Divine doesn't pose when she models; she wallows in herself. Divine gives her all when Dawn crudely vogues down a Baltimore sidewalk, and, in scene as a teenager, pulls a Christmas tree down on her mother because Dawn didn't get the cha cha heels she wanted. For anyone who has ever had a bad family holiday, there's catharsis in the sight of Dawn in a nightie, stomping gifts while screaming, "I hate you. I hate this house. I HATE CHRISTMAS!"

The film features great costumes by Van Smith. Massey looks like a porno store blew up on her and Divine's apparel gets exponentially worse in each scene. Dawn shows all in a see-through wedding dress, and prances about in a tight green leopard print mini-dress with a claw-like glove on one sleeve. Such finery!

It's not just the clothes that are tasteless. There's extensive physical, verbal and sexual child abuse played for laughs. Dawn's daughter, Taffy, suffers throughout. Waters is brave enough to use a child in hilarious early scenes; adult Mink Stole takes over as Taffy at age 14 (she's told she looks old because she's "retarded"). Taffy's biological father and stepfather both wag their limp dicks her way in mondo disgusto scenes; her father's johnny has a rash. Top that depravity off with cellulite abuse, spousal abuse, fish abuse, needle-nose plier abuse (Gator and Dawn use it as a marital aide), spaghetti abuse, makeup abuse (liquid eyeliner is injected like heroin), and an old lady's big jug abuse (Massey goes topless and fondles herself). A film about crime, of course, has some splatter violence thrown in for good measure. Icing on the trash cake is complete with the inclusion of a dedication to Manson Family member Charles ("Tex") Watson in the opening credits. Per Waters in his 1981 book, Shock Value, Watson made the wooden toy helicopter that's shown with the dedication credit. A few frames of REAL sleaze in an otherwise joyous, fun piece of trash cinema.

-Zzilly Gutbuckets (aka Lizz Fisher)