I BURY THE LIVING

Directed by Albert Band

Beware the EVIL MAP! And I thought maps were evil only when you can’t fold them up or when you were little on family vacation and your grumpy dad would cause tension by expecting your directionally impaired mom to read a map after we just missed the entrance to the 17-Mile Drive. How wrong I was. This map is REALLY mean. Snake mean.

Richard Boone stars as Robert Kraft, who becomes a tormented soul in this surprisingly well-done piece of film noir. Shot in only nine days, I Bury the Living has the quality and suspense level of a Twilight Zone episode.

Kraft works in the CEO office of a major big city department store, which is frightening enough. Store Suits take turns serving as “chairman” of the Old City cemetery, and when it’s Kraft’s turn, he naturally isn’t thrilled. Dotty, yet cuddly old grave keeper, Andy McKee (Theodore Bikel looking like Geppetto), assists Kraft, who rewards McKee with an ageism-related heave ho on behalf of the CEOs (who haven’t looked in a mirror because they are old men themselves). McKee sticks around to help Kraft work the map to the cemetery’s plots. It’s complex, and I’m only explaining it once: A white pin means that a living person owns the plot. A black pin means the plot’s occupant is growing dandelions. Trouble starts when Kraft accidentally breaks this color-coded scheme and puts black where white should be. Oops. The owners of the plots die.

The funny thing about this movie is that people just HAVE to keep proving the map is evil. Kraft changes the pin color on another living person just to check his theory that they’ll die. They do. The Man doesn’t believe him: Kraft’s bosses insist that the pins be changed so they can prove Kraft wrong. The cops tell him to change a pin color. The outcome is predictable and begins to drive Kraft mad. He’s convinced HE has a special evil power that works along with the map’s evil. There are a lot of fuzzy shots of the map as it conducts its badass evil on Kraft’s brain cells.

The film has a few twists and turns, and had me hoping for zombies (but hell, most movies make me hope for zombies). I won’t spoil anything. Just know that I Bury the Living is a nice piece of suspense that is a little scary too.

Note: I Bury the Living is the second feature on a special DVD of trash classic, The Killer Shrews. Considering it’s placement as a second feature, I was expecting a crappy movie. I Bury the Living is a pleasantly surprising thriller. There’s a really bad Gumby cartoon on the DVD too, so you’ll get a lot for your money finding this package

-Zzilly Gutbuckets