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BEYOND
THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS Beyond the Valley of the Dolls is the Citizen Kane of trash. This campy delight is my favorite movie of ALL time. It’s fucking amazing. This epic’s got sex, drugs, and rock & roll a plenty; the melodrama is laugh-out-loud hilarious; plus it lectures us dirty sluts on morality. Even after multiple viewings, this film never fails to astound, especially as it careens completely out-of-control during the final half hour with scenes that will leave you going “Oh…..My…..Gawd.” Beyond the Valley of the Dolls follows the rise of the happening “rock” combo, The Carrie Nations, a trio of groovy gals who succumb to extreme temptations in The City of Angels, including those of Ronnie “Z-Man” Barzell (John LaZar chews up scenery and spouts funky lines apropos of nothing like “This is my happening and it freaks me out!”). Z-Man‘s a flamboyant producer who makes Phil Spector seem tame. Z-Man holds a drug-drenched party every night complete with nudists, perverts, bad character actors, a Nazi, The Strawberry Alarm Clock, and whatever else Director Meyer could drag in. Those Carrie Nations become the most far-out, man, band in rock, despite Z-Man dressing them like the Partridge Family, overproducing their albums, and booking them in lounges filled with squares, Daddy-O. However, their songs are right-on. Watching the girls get down is fun, especially when they burst into song during a road trip. Sadly, fame for the band doesn’t come without a price: there’s plenty of the requisite pill-popping, sexual misconduct, and angst one expects from a Valley of the Dolls* film, along with Meyer’s trademark cut-away shots of cleavage & heaving breasts. Former Playboy Bunny Dolly Read stars as The Carrie Nations’ singer, Kelly MacNamara. Read’s stellar acting technique ranges from either a) squinting (when she’s happy or happily screwing someone over) or b) squinting (file under: “Every Other Emotion”). Read squints when she sings, squints when she wants money, squints when she’s horny, you name it, she squints it, baby. You could play a drinking game based whenever Kelly squints. The band is rounded out by Cynthia Meyers, another former Bunny, as Casey, and Marcia McBroom, a model, as the rockin’ drummer, Pet, who has strange, pointy tits. Both Meyers and McBroom are likeable actresses. It goes without saying, all these cats are lip-syncing here. Director Russ Meyer and Editors Dann Cahn & Dick Wormel employ exciting montages throughout the film. A sequence near the beginning depicts the sins of Los Angeles by pasting together landmarks with outtakes of Z-Man’s party patrons (the biggest producer in the world has a toothless, horny old lady with safety-orange hair on his guest list). Later, when The Carrie Nations break into ballads, the men in their life are superimposed dramatically over the crooning trio. Can you dig it, baby? Can YOUR innocence survive the torrid tale that is Beyond the Valley of the Dolls? Pull your tambourine out of the glove box and GO, BABY, GO! *Beyond the Valley of the Dolls is allegedly not a remake or a sequel to Jacqueline Susann’s novel Valley of the Dolls, which is also a recommended film (See crazy Patty Duke echo real life by having an intense pill problem!). Even though Susann was dead at the time the verdict came in, her corpse won a $2 million settlement from 20th Century-Fox for dishonoring her trashy novel with the existence of Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. -Zzilly Gutbuckets (aka Lizz Fisher)
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