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MICROBUDGET MASSACRE 2! In the brand-new 2006 My Dead Girlfriend, Steve is a college professor who goes out with a witchy 22 year-old coed. While he is a professor, he may not be too smart. After he accidentally runs over her twice, he says, “Are you mad at me? Is that why you’re not saying anything?” as she lays there dead. When she comes back she’s hungry. Steve has to tell her “Don’t eat the shower curtain, honey, my mother gave that to me.” But she’s hungry for flesh. Steve does his Jack Ritter impression as he tries to explain his zombie GF to his friends, and covers up for her murders. Simple concept aided by decent composition, lighting and acting. We believe in the leads, and director Brett Kelly is good as Steve (as he’d better he, since he carries most of the picture on his shoulders.) The dialogue is snappy, and writer/actors Muggleston and Kelly have good chemistry together. I could imagine this playing on cable at 4 a.m. I enjoyed this movie. Available from www.tempevideo.com. Skanky scene girls and gruesome gore is not enough for our next disturbing film, SlaughteredVomitDolls. The extra added ingredient (yes, vomit) is featured prominently to revolting, but ultimately, tiresome effect. The shock of this arty “satanic” film (by director Lucifer Valentine) soon wore off for me, and I was simply wondering how they physically managed to puke on command. Valentine is undeniably talented, but this flick is just not my cup of tea; I prefer my gore to be fun, rather than brutal and purposefully unappealing. The “plot” has something to do with johns, murder and torture. The incoherent film only runs about 65 minutes, but I was bored long before that. Too many shots of a cute kid talking for way too long, intercut with the very effective gore (eyeball ripped out, arm ripped out) but highly unerotic nudity. The unending jump-cuts in the middle of every action add to its’ difficult watchability. This very extreme film is dizzyingly edited in a blur of fast movement, double images, shakicam and annoying noises, like an avant-garde fetish film with tits and blood and, uh, puke. So if you’re into that sort of thing, or just curious, check out the website at http://www.slaughteredvomitdolls.com/main.html. I didn’t expect much from Carnage For The Destroyer, and was pleasantly surprised. Yes, it is infantile, self-conscious, offensive, sexist, low-budget Z-grade shot on video crap full of over-the-top characters, in-jokes and movie references. But what’s so wrong with that? Some weirdos put on a haunted house for Halloween, and accidentally summon a mythical huge Norse warrior (played by a little skinny guy!) I haven’t seen any of the other LBP films, but I gather from the DVD featurette that they share the same immature humor and many cast members. The movie’s stupid, but I was briefly entertained by their irreverent sense of humor. Filmmaker Chris Seaver is smart to keep it short -about 55 minutes. Epic fantasy metal, a dominatrix who can’t stop publicly peeing, realistic fake dong and ejaculate, and much, much more. Available from www.tempevideo.com. Bought off ebay was 2000’s My Private Life: A Movie by Ally Farson
This DVD takes the oft-used low-budget approach of being a pseudo-documentary
about a self-confessed female murderer, supposedly shot by the killer
herself. 90 minutes of boring details of her life and verite shots of
her murders. It’s a zeitgeist thing, you wouldn’t understand.
The fake website behind the film www.allyfarson.com is a more interesting
hoax. If you pay attention, they will admit (once) she is a fictional
character, but otherwise it’s treated straight, like a parlor
murder mystery for the Internet generation, with updates, sightings,
histories, etc. It’s a classic but by no means isolated case of
the website being more entertaining than the film itself. -Eric Bradner |
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