ROCK AND ROLL NIGHTMARE
1987

A cheesy 80s glam metal band called Triton goes to a house in the middle of nowhere to record their new album far from any bad influences, or so they think. No phone and no TV. “No Dynasty” says one character. Soon enough we have some goofy big-eyed critter spitting into their manager’s coffee, and he changes into some sort of demon. Stereotypes include bitchy girlfriends, dumb guys, big hair on both sexes, horny couples (“When I see you doing something domestic my boner just can’t help itself”), and a drummer with a phony-sounding Australian accent.
We do see some titties, and there are several “love-making” sessions, including one with Thor (you do see his butt briefly, ladies.) The budget is obviously low, but the appliances and puppets are fun. That’s right, I said puppets. There are several monsters that are just a mask and monster hands, and the final monster is noticeably shot from the waist up.
“Don’t be too long, honey, your singing brought out the beast in me,” Says one randy girlfriend to her rocker boyfriend. Being possessed may not be all bad, however. After being possessed, the “one minute wonder” drummer impresses his GF with a marathon boning session. In a wasted segment, four “teen” girls who, like most horror movie teens, appear to be well into their twenties, show up hoping to catch a glimpse of Triton. We cut away before Triton’s manager attacks them, and I expected to see them turn up at the film’s end, but no, we never see them again. Maybe they ran out of money. Short and sweet special effects include: a hand that bursts out of some guy’s chest and grabs his girlfriend’s titties, a little kid that turns into a scary demon, and leftovers in the fridge with eyes and a mouth. Relentless padding and an under whelming twist ending relegate this to minor league status. The puppets and appliances do look pretty cool, though, and the 80s metal cheese factor is high enough to induce many to rent this one drunken evening.
Jon Mikl Thor is older and thicker now, and doesn’t have that mane of hair, but he still travels the country doing his theatrical hard rock (playing near your town this summer), and says in an interview in the DVD extras that many of the fans asking for songs from Rock And Roll Nightmare weren’t even born when it was originally released. Rock on, brother Thor!

-Hysteric Eric