TURKISH STAR WARS
aka DUNYAYI KURTARAN ADAM

Sometimes a badfilm is so stunning in its’ sheer gall and exuberant misguidedness that you can’t help but be simultaneously fascinated and repelled by it. This is such a film. Turkish title is Dunyayi Kurtaran Adam (The Man Who saves The World), and it has been popularly named the Turkish Star Wars by stunned fanboys the world over for reasons that will shortly become obvious. Turkish copyright law must be nonexistent, because the film is unashamed in its’ blatant rip-off of other movies, most notably Indiana Jones and Star Wars. It not only lifts the Indy musical theme and throws it into every action scene in the film, but it steals entire scenes from Star Wars! In a mind-numbing display of sloppy editing and discontinuity, they repeat several whole scenes from Star Wars repeatedly, until becomes maddening. A bad low-budget Turkish space ship set that you could create more realistically with cardboard and spray paint, is intercut with the slick Lucas product. But the footage is out of order and makes no sense really, almost just random footage rammed in there. The male lead, Cuneyt Arkin, is credited as writer of this mess, so blame him. And it’s in Turkish only, so you have the pleasure of making up your own dialogue. The unintentional psychedelia of this film renders it dizzying, and hard to sit through in one sitting. I find it a great party tape, and fine for about 15 minutes, then I automatically start using it as visual wallpaper, which if truth be told, you could find something much worse to create that absurd white noise set and setting for your own personal workspace. It’s a great inspiration tape too, as in an Eno/zen sort of way to use a random clip like a Buddhist koan to be interpreted and fulfilled. There is a bare-budget recreation of the cantina scene that is not to be believed, and special effects your 5-year-old would be embarrassed to include in their own kindergarten play. Guys in big fuzzy orange suits? What, the planet of the tabbies was overcrowded? A Chinese assassin with a plastic Fu Manchu mask on? Oh, so no Aunt Jemima masks were available? Everyone will find their favorite and self-important scenes. Our hero ripping off arms of the orange fuzzy monsters and stabbing them with their own claws works for me. Woah. Scenes of our hero jogging with ridiculously phony boulders tired to his legs, Cro-Magnon Rocky-stylee. Huh? Scenes of the main villain, a bad Ming the Merciless rip-off who teleports and can’t seem to decide if he wants his mask on or off. Wha? Mummies who attack and appear to be wrapped in toilet paper. No way! Scenes of our heroes cultivating their best William Shatner meets Bruce Lee fighting style against guys sweating in fuzzy suits galaxy-wide. Hi-yah! Jumps on a just-offscreen trampoline for repeated “impressive” jumps over the camera. And on and on. Too too much. A high water mark of ridiculous filmmaking, and trial of the viewer’s endurance. Damn, I can’t wait to see the Turkish Spiderman or Exorcist remakes.

-Hysteric Eric