VIRGINS FROM HELL
1987

How can you go wrong with a title like this for your next TV party? You can’t, fool! Kudos to Mondo Macabro for unearthing yet another exotic trash jewel from the vault!
The plot, such as it is, of this colorful 1987 Filipino exploitation film has something to do with a group of not terribly attractive hot pants-clad biker girls attacking crime lord Mr. Tiger for revenge over killing the leader’s parents. But Mr. Tiger turns the tables on the biker chicks, and uses his prisoners as guinea pigs for his aphrodisiac experiments. Looks like they escaped from a Toni Basil video.
The most inappropriate and unexpected things will happen in this DVD. A strangely static sex scene sports theme music that is an instrumental version of The Moody Blues classic Nights in White Satin! I don’t know why, do you?
This is the kind of film in which everything is so wrong it’s right. The slapped-together English dubbing is painfully obvious and the American voiceovers are without exception inappropriate to the speaker. When someone spits at someone from a sitting position, you can rest assured the next shot will show the spit coming from above. Continuity-wise, it’s like they gave up even trying. Nothing matches. The guns sometimes shoot wisps of smoke or flame, and sometimes do not. Sometimes victims will have bullet holes, sometimes not. The fistfight and gunshot sounds are totally loud and wrong, and the action sequences are hilarious. I like to watch all the extras and try to pick out the ones who seem to know what’s expected of them. It’s a small number.
One character says, “I’ll never give up my dignity”, while dressed in a leopard print onesie.
Their actions make no sense: They kick hella men’s ass at the casino early on, then later just lay there without doing anything while only two guards drag one girl off to rape, and start fighting amongst each other.
No nudity. Is it a Filipino thing? But plenty of creative torture: woman hung from contraption and swung into barbed wire, woman roasted over coals tied to spit; women whipped like dogs and heads stuck underwater in the bathtub; and torture by throwing girl in burlap bag with mongoose, then rolling the bag down a hill;
Featuring a sadistic lesbian assistant; crime boss who dresses like a gaucho for no apparent reason; fake alligator wrestling; explosions galore, and a healer who sticks a snake’s head into a large bullet wound to remove the bullet with its’ mouth; vine swinging and conveniently placed branch used as spear.
Virgins From hell is ten pounds of ludicrous bullshit in a five pound bag. And that’s a compliment, Jack!

-Hysteric Eric